Why my wife is a better person than me

My wife is a better sort of person than me, which is probably why I like her.   Last night she came home from attending a meeting of unions, social workers, nurses, priests, not-for profits, charities and all other manner of people who work to help the disadvantaged of Sydney. The Sydney Alliance, according to its website, “brings together diverse community organisations, unions and religious organisations to advance the common good and achieve a fair, just and sustainable city.”

So my wife came home full of enthusiasm for the sense of community that was built at this meeting, and talked about the young Lebanese boy who spoke about a world where he and his mates could get together and hang out, without being hassled by cops. I was prepping some veggies for dinner at the time and so was a little distracted - she quite rightly stopped and said ”what’s that look on your face supposed to mean?”

What indeed? A whole range of preconceptions was running through my head. “Yeah well there’s probably a reason the cops hassle him and his mates, this kind of thing doesn’t just come out of nowhere.” Or “well, honestly, if I saw a bunch of pumped up, yahooing young blokes coming down the street toward me, I’d probably cross to the other side of the road.” (Shit, I sound like an Alan Jones caller).

Anyway, the animated discussion that followed basically boiled down to me taking the “personal responsibility” line, versus she on the “community engagement and positive action” argument. You know how that one goes and I’m not going to repeat it here.  But what struck me most about the discussion was the underlying sense of forgiveness, openness and, let’s be blunt, love that seems to be the motivation of the people who take part in things like the Sydney Alliance. While I ranted about how “I don’t care how disadvantaged you have been, once you pick up a weapon and you hurt me, or anyone I care about, I will try to end you”, my wife insisted that the only true way to make things better, to stop the kinds of things I was talking about, was to engage and build. Basically, to forgive.  She repeated the story told at the Alliance meeting of a lady who had been stabbed in the eye while filling up her car at a petrol station, and who had talked about how she had come to forgive her attackers. I shook my head incredulously – I would never do that. My instinct would be to pursue anyone who did that to me, through whatever means were open to me, and seek to ruin them. Eye for an eye, literally.

The Sydney Alliance consists of all sorts, including members of a whole range of Christian denominations.  But, there were also a massive number of non-Christians as well, including representatives from Muslim faiths, unions, and my wife herself, who has grown up in an atheist/agnostic household.  It struck me that it is people like this who are the real Christians, the ones who are actually working through what Jesus taught. It’s such a juxtaposition from the hatred, exclusion and judgemental attitude of most politicised Christians, or the “religious right” as they have come to be called.

Anyway, all that this made me realise was that I am not a Christian, nor a particularly “progressive” member of society. I should probably hand in my theoretical “lefty” membership card. I have never forgiven those who wronged me, and I’ll never forget. I don’t think I really can let go of my anger enough to actually embrace that particular ideology. But I admire those who can. I just hope that there are more people like my wife than me out there, otherwise we’re all fucked.